For the Guys: How to Survive a Breakup.
10/16/2012 1:56:00 PM
Break ups - they happen. They suck. Everyone knows that.
Girls are a little luckier. After a breakup we get to lie on the couch during the day, eating ice cream and crying to our girlfriends. Then at night we get dressed up, go out to the bars, and are reminded of how hot we are with free drinks from random guys.
Sadly, for you guys out there, it’s a little harder.
Despite what others might think men are definitely the more emotional creature. When a girl gets sad, she has a little cry and a pout and then it’s all better. She moves on. When a guy gets upset he keeps it all bottled up. Eventually, once he has enough bottled up he explodes with rage and that, my dears, is how drunken bar brawls begin.
It’s even worse when a guy gets dumped. It’s a major blow to his ego and he begins to think that maybe he doesn’t quite have what it takes to hold onto a girl. When a guy’s “game” is being threatened, his self worth plummets faster than that guy who free fell from space the other day.
The good news is, guys, there’s hope for you! I promise you that you can get through this breakup without starting any bar brawls, without making any 3am drunk dials, and without making the mistake of camping out outside of her apartment building, waiting to just “bump” into her. (Seriously, don’t do that. It’s so creepy and we know you weren’t “just in the area.”)
Follow these 5 steps:
1. Be Alone – you need at least 30 minutes to yourself every day after a breakup. Use this time to let it all out. Cry into your pillow, make yourself a sandwich, or just sit and mope for a while. Once the 30 minutes is up, get up, get dressed, and get out there. That’s all you get.
2. Work Out – she isn’t the only one who gets to look insanely hot after a breakup. Never, ever, be that guy who drinks a lot, gets fat, stops shaving, and wears sweatpants after a break up. She dumped you, now is your chance to remind her of what she let go of. The best thing you can do is hit the gym. Not only will you look better, you’ll feel better – way better than if you were to drink yourself to sleep every night. Working out increases your serotonin levels which will make you feel happier.
3. Cut Off All Ties – seriously, all of them. Delete her number, delete her off of Facebook, unfollow her on Twitter, and like I said, no bumping into her. If possible, stay away from her neighborhood, stay out of her favorite restaurants, and stay away from her friends. Out of sight, out of mind. After a while your mind will get used to not having her around and you won’t feel like you’re missing something. This step also includes getting rid of her stuff. She has one week to get anything she left at your place from you, after that, toss it. Harsh but you’re thinking about yourself now, remember?
4. Stay Single for 3 Months – you need 90 days to be single and totally unattached. The worst thing you can do is jump from one relationship to another. Don’t even go on 3rd dates in this 3 month period either. For 90 days get in, get yours, and then get the hell out. It’s probably weird for a girl to tell guys to basically act like jackasses but trust me, you’ll feel better.
5. Strippers – still feeling the pain of heartbreak after 3 months? Go to a strip club, meet a nice dancer, and spend all of your cash. Get hammered, get lap dances, and look at some hot, naked babes. Remember all of those times your girlfriend said “not tonight Honey, I have a headache”? Yeah, that doesn’t happen in strip clubs. You’re guaranteed a good time.
So there you have it: getting over a breakup the manly way. You’re welcome.