The Dos and DON'Ts of Being Adventurous in the Bedroom
10/30/2012 12:14:00 PM
There are some really awesome ways to be adventurous and spice things up in the bedroom…and then there are some bad, maybe even a little dangerous, ways. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with trying a little harder to please your man in bed, but please, please, avoid anything that could cause him permanent physical harm. It’s just not okay.
A few things NOT to mix with sex:
Spices: Things like black pepper, cayenne pepper, garlic powder, you name it….not a good idea. There are some girly publications that may have encouraged sprinkling these under his nose right before the Big O in order to make it more intense for him. Yeah, don’t do that. First of all, just picture how it would look: you straddling him while holding a pepper mill over his face while he’s trying to hold off on…yeah. Secondly, it will be next to impossible for him to enjoy himself when he sneezes 17 times in a row…or gets the pepper in his eye. Leave these items for your dinner!
Teeth: Okay, so there’s certainly an appropriate time and, uh, place for this. It should be common sense that the family jewels are not the right place, at any time! Those are extremely sensitive and precious to him. It’s safe to say that even mentioning the idea of using teeth down there will make any guy cringe, he is not going to appreciate that kind of adventurousness. If you really feel the need to nibble, try his ear lobe or his shoulder. Stay above the waist!
Hair-Pulling: Below the waist. Tugging on the hair on his head while you’re making out? Totally acceptable – if he’s into it. Pulling on hair anywhere else on his body? That’s not cute, it’s just painful! Stop.
Enlargement Techniques: Even if your man isn’t the most well-endowed guy out there, you’re not supposed to say anything!! Men are sensitive about that kind of thing and they’re supposed to be proud of what they were dealt. Even if you honestly think that you have the secret to making it bigger, keep your lips sealed. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES recommend the "dangle large weights off the tip of your dong for 15-30 minutes a day" technique. You’ll get dumped.
Try These Instead:
Different Positions: When you’re sleeping with someone for the first time, it’s usually pretty plain “getting-to-know-you-hope-this-isn’t-awkward” type of sex which involves a bed, lights off, and missionary position. The next step from here shouldn’t involve condiments or aggressive biting and body-hair pulling, just switch up the position! You can still get on top, just leave the peppermill on the kitchen counter. Speaking of the kitchen counter….
New Locations: Switch up your sexy place. Sex doesn’t just have to take place in the bedroom. Don’t forget that places like the kitchen, living room, bathroom, shower, or coat closet are all acceptable places to get it on. Maybe try it in the car, not while driving, or in your best friend’s backyard! Seriously, anywhere is a possibility; you just need to get creative.
Invite Others In: While you’re doing it in your best friend’s backyard, why not invite them to join in? You never know, you could totally love it. If you’re worried about ruining a friendship, go to a bar and pick up a hot stranger. While you’re there have a few tequila shots, you all might need a little bit of liquid courage.
Non-Painful Condiments: If you really, really want to bring food into your sex life, go ahead! Just keep in mind that sweet foods generally go over better than anything that could possibly burn a retina or cause a sneezing attack. Go for a good ol’ bottle of whip cream, or some edible chocolate body paint. Simply having him eat raspberries out of your belly button would be much more appealing to him than asking if you can season him like a steak. Don’t forget to shower together after!
Misguided ambition isn’t the worst problem in the world to have. It’s totally great that you want to keep things hot and fresh, just be a little gentler with your man and stop taking silly advice from all of those magazines!