Name: Todd Michael Shapiro AKA: Tickles

D.O.B.: June 20th, 1973. Same day as my future mistress Nicole Kidman, my lesbian lover Cyndi Lauper, my father Lionel Richie and my favorite all-time Canadian male Anne Murray

Height: 6' 1" standing.

Weight: 190

Favorite Teletubby: Dr. Phil

Favorite Fat Person: Professor Clump.

Favorite Skinny Person: My Grandmother!

Favorite thing to do while a house guest at a dinner party: Leave, go home, order a pizza, drink beer and watch HD TV.

Notable Childhood achievements: I played Tevia in Fiddler on the Roof in grade 6. I once hit the lunchroom lady in the face with a plastic orange puck in Floor Hockey... she had to have 9 stitches. I threw a baseball bat at my brother and concussed him. I tickled female camp counselors at the age of 12, and they kept coming back for more. I slid under a fence and a broken coke bottle cut my bum. The glass is still in my ___ .... ouch!

Notable Quotes: "It's sooooo good!" "Trust me!" "This is the best _____ (fill in the blank. eg. coffee), I've ever had in my life!" "Okee dokee doggie daddy!" "I'm gonna' do some damage to you, damage you won't walk away from!" "I gotta' go boom boom" "Call me sir." "I want my dignity." "Doctor Leitenberg - my stomach hurts!" "Dad, can I have my allowance, yo?"

Favorite Animal: George Steele (georgesteele.com)

Favorite Human: Christopher Walken... and my mom (awww shux!)

Favorite Store to shop at: Ikea, The Beer Store, Any modern furniture store, Addition Elle. Where will we find you in 10 days: Sun tanning on my Patio while construction workers stare at my beautiful pecks.

Where will we find you in ten years: Hoisting the Stanley Cup for the Toronto Maple Leafs after I just finished scoring the Cup-winning goal.

What do you hate: Standing in lines. People. Cars in front of me that spray oil fumes out of their exhaust pipes. Pop-Ups. No reason Boners... pop-ups!!

What do you love: Crown Royal and O.J.. Captain Caveman. Threesomes with myself. Something that starts with "A" and ends in "L"... okay, it's Advil. Jeigermeister. SLEEPING... now leave me alone.